Scientists today have announced they have crossed a giant rooster with an onion and come up with a big cock that brings tears to your eyes.

A banana and a dildo on a bed side unit. The banana says to the dildo,
"I don't know why you are shaking, she's going to eat me"

Scotsman walking though Glasgow with a wellington on his penis. When arrested by police he said that he was just fu**ing aboot

An ugly bird in a boozer says, "If you can guess my weight, you can sh*g me all night long".
The bloke says, "Oh, about 93 stone you ugly fat cow. She
replies, "That's close enough you lucky bastard".

Two old dears having a coffee, one says to the other, "Did you come on the bus", "Yes", she replies, "but I made it look like an asthma attack".

Paddy the electrician was recently sacked for refusing to service the electric chair at the prison where he worked. He claimed it was a death trap

Australian man's foreplay..."roll over you bitch"

They've found a new position in the Kama Sutra. It's called "The Plumber".
Two of you stay in all day and no f*cker comes"

An Irishman went for a job at the stables. The boss said "Are you any good at shoeing horses", the Irishman replied, "I once told a donkey to f*ck off.."