Joke me up baby Options

[james]

I heard a couple of jokes recently which made me laugh - but I want more! Post your (good) jokes here, I wish to be amused.

My efforts:

Kate Moss bumps into Jeremy Clarkson on a night out and asks "what do you do?"
Jeremy replies "I do Top Gear.."
"Superb" says Kate "I'll have 4 Grams!"

and

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Inspector Weasel]

Can I sleep in your bed tonight with you and mummy?" asks baby balloon to father balloon.

Father balloon explains to baby balloon that he is getting too old and too big to be sleeping in
the same bed as mummy and daddy and tucks him in and kisses him night in his own bed.


During the night when mummy and daddy balloons are a sleep baby balloon tries to squeeze
himself into bed with mummy and daddy, but there is no room. So hedecides to release some
air out of mummy balloon, but still no room. He then releases some air from daddy balloon
but there is still no room. So he then releases some air from himself which allows enough room
from him to snuggle in bed between his mummy and daddy. In the morning daddy balloon isn't
impressed.

"What did I tell you? You had to sleep in your own bed, you've been very naughty.






You've let your mum down, you've let me down and most of all you've let yourself down!"