Joke me up baby Options

[james]

I heard a couple of jokes recently which made me laugh - but I want more! Post your (good) jokes here, I wish to be amused.

My efforts:

Kate Moss bumps into Jeremy Clarkson on a night out and asks "what do you do?"
Jeremy replies "I do Top Gear.."
"Superb" says Kate "I'll have 4 Grams!"

and

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Egg Designer]

A man walks into a pub carrying an octopus under his arm, and orders a drink, curiosity gets the better of the barman, and he asks the chap why he is carrying the octopus.

'Oh, this is my musical octopus, he plays any instrument known to man' replies the drinker.

Stunned the barman says 'Really!! well I bet he can't play my 12 string guitar!'

'50 quid says he can!' says the chap, and the guitar is fetched and handed to the octopus, who in a flailing of his limbs starts to strum out the most exquisite flamenco tune.

'Blimey!' syas the stunned barmen as he hands over his money!

'I bet he cant play my trumpet!' shouts another chap sitting down the bar.

'100 quid says he can!' says the chap, this time.

The man brings over his trumpet and in another thrashing of tentacles, starts to parp out tunes like Dizzy Gillespie.

The man pays his £100.00 and moves off.

' I bet he canny play me bagpipes!!' shouts the drunk Scotsman in the corner.

'£200 says he can!' cries the more confident man.

The Scot hands over his pipes to the excited octopus who the starts beating them on the ground, and jumpig up and down on them.

Startled the guy looks at his pet and says 'Play them!! you're going to cost me 200 quid here!!!'

The octopus looks up at his owner and answers 'Play them? I'm gonna fuck them once I got the pyjamas off!!!!!'




I thank you.........

This post has been edited by Egg Designer: Oct 7 2005, 12:37 AM