Joke me up baby Options

[james]

I heard a couple of jokes recently which made me laugh - but I want more! Post your (good) jokes here, I wish to be amused.

My efforts:

Kate Moss bumps into Jeremy Clarkson on a night out and asks "what do you do?"
Jeremy replies "I do Top Gear.."
"Superb" says Kate "I'll have 4 Grams!"

and

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[Inspector Weasel]

The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make is taking a stroll down his local high street.
As he passes by the record shop, a sign catches his eye.
"Just Released -New LP -Wasps of the World & the sounds that they make - available now"
Unable to resist the temptation, the man goes into the shop.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make.
I'd very much like to listen to the new LP you have advertised in the window."
"Certainly, Sir," says the young man behind the counter. "If you'd like to step into the booth and put on the headphones, I'll put the LP on for you."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make goes into the booth and puts on the earphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth and announces,
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I recognised none of those."
"I'm sorry Sir", says the young assistant.
"If you'd care to step into the booth, I can let you have another 10 minutes."
The world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth and replaces the headphones.
Ten minutes later, he comes out of the booth shaking his head.
"I don't understand it", he says,
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make, and yet I still can't recognise any of those!"
"I'm terribly sorry, Sir" says the young man, "perhaps if you'd like to step into the booth again, you could have 5 more minutes."
Sighing, the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make steps back into the booth.
Five minutes later, he comes out again, clearly agitated.
"I am the world expert on European wasps and the sounds that they make and yet I have recognised none of the wasps on this LP."
"I really am terribly sorry", says the young assistant, "I've just realised I was playing you the bee side."



This post has been edited by Inspector Weasel: Oct 16 2005, 05:36 PM