Joke me up baby Options

[james]

I heard a couple of jokes recently which made me laugh - but I want more! Post your (good) jokes here, I wish to be amused.

My efforts:

Kate Moss bumps into Jeremy Clarkson on a night out and asks "what do you do?"
Jeremy replies "I do Top Gear.."
"Superb" says Kate "I'll have 4 Grams!"

and

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"

[campaign dinosaur]

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead
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>sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat
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>down, but lacks the nerve to start a conversation
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>Suddenly she sneezes, and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket
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>towards the man.
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>He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air, and hands it back.
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>"Oh my, I am so sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back in
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>place.
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>"Let me buy your dinner to make it up to you," she says.
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>They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the
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>theater followed by drinks. They talk, they laugh, she shares her
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>deepest dreams and he shares his. She listens.
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>After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to
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>her place for a nightcap ....... and stay for breakfast.
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>They have a wonderful, wonderful time.
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>The next morning, she cooks a gourmet meal with all the trimmings.
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>The guy is amazed!! Everything has been SO incredible!!!!
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>"You know," he said, "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to
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>every guy you meet?"
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>"No," she replies........."
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>Wait for it... (scroll down)
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>It's coming...
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>The suspense is killing you, isn't it?
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>She says:
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>"You just happened to catch my eye."