Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register ) · 0 New Messages

 
Reply to this topicStart new topic
> Truth about Chuck Norris
womble
post Jan 24 2006, 05:54 PM
Post #1



Group Icon

Group: [Ringer Patrol]
Posts: 774
Joined: 23-November 01
From: Anywhere you want me, sexy!!
Member No.: 58



>>The truth about Chuck Norris
>>
>>Chuck Norris used live ammunition during all shoot-outs. When the
>>director
>>said he can't, he replied, "Of course I can, I'm Chuck Norris," and
>>roundhouse kicked him in the face.
>>
>>If paper beats rock, and rock beats scissors, what beats all 3 at the
>>same
>>time? Answer: Chuck Norris.
>>
>>If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck
>>Norris
>>you may be only seconds away from death.
>>
>>On the 7th day, God rested.... Chuck Norris took over.
>>
>>Biologically, Chuck Norris is his own step-father.
>>
>>When his martial arts prowess fails to resolve a situation, Chuck Norris
>>plays dead. When playing dead doesn't work, he plays zombie.
>>
>>It is common knowledge that there are three sides to the force: the
>>light
>>side, the dark side, and Chuck Norris.
>>
>>Scientists used to believe that a diamond was the world's hardest
>>substance.
>>But then they met Chuck Norris, who gave them a roundhouse kick to the
>>face
>>so hard, and with so much heat and pressure that the scientists turned
>>into
>>artificial Chuck Norris.
>>
>>Chuck Norris carries a man bag. If you call it a purse, he pulls a baby
>>out
>>of the bag and throws it at you. The baby will blow up upon impact.
>>
>>Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead
>>decided
>>to punch his way out of his mother's womb. Shortly thereafter he grew a
>>beard.
>>
>>God offered Chuck Norris the gift to fly, which he swiftly declined for
>>super strength roundhouse ability.
>>
>>Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
>>
>>When Chuck Norris was denied a Bacon McMuffin at McDonalds because it
>>was
>>10:35, he roundhouse kicked the store so hard it became a Wendy's.
>>
>>Chuck Norris drinks napalm to quell his heartburn.
>>
>>A ducks quack does not echo. Chuck Norris is solely responsible for this
>>phenomenon. When asked why he will simply stare at you grimly.
>>
>>Chuck Norris once tried to defeat Jackie Chan in a game of chess. When
>>Norris lost, he won in life by roundhouse kicking Chan in the side of
>>the
>>face.
>>
>>Chuck Norris' roundhouse kick is so powerful; it can be seen from outer
>>space by the naked eye.
>>
>>Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
>>
>>Chuck Norris can cut onions without crying.
>>
>>Chuck Norris burned down an entire forest when he was experimenting with
>>water.
>>
>>If you want a list of Chuck Norris' enemies just check the extinct
>>species
>>list.
>>
>>Chuck Norris has never blinked in his entire life. Never.
>>
>>Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
>>
>>When Chuck Norris's wife burned the turkey one thanksgiving, Chuck said,
>>"don't worry about it honey," and went into his backyard. He came back
>>five
>>minutes later with a live turkey, ate it whole, and when he threw it up
>>a
>>few seconds later it was fully cooked and came with cranberry sauce.
>>When
>>his wife asked him how he had done it, he gave her a roundhouse kick to
>>the
>>face and said, "Never question Chuck Norris."
>>
>>We once had a bachelor party for Chuck Norris. He ate the entire cake
>>before
>>they could tell him there was a stripper in it
>>
>>Chuck Norris once shot a German plane down with his finger, by yelling,
>>"Bang!"
>>
>>In a recent interview, Chuck Norris told Entertainment Tonight that his
>>most
>>memorable role was when he played the third breast on the hooker in
>>Total
>>Recall.
>>
>>Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when eating food.
>>
>>If Superman and The Flash were to race to the edge of space you know who
>>would win? Chuck Norris
>>
>>Ironically, Chuck Norris' hidden talent is invisibility.
>>
>>Chuck Norris eats transformer toys in vehicle mode and poops them out
>>transformed into a robot.
>>
>>In one episode of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, Chuck Norris replaced
>>Carlton
>>for one scene and nobody noticed.
>>
>>Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win
>>the
>>1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a get out
>>of
>>jail free monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green number 4
>>card
>>from the game Uno.
>>
>>Chuck Norris invented a language that incorporates karate and roundhouse
>>kicks. So next time Chuck Norris is kicking your ass, don't be offended
>>or
>>hurt, he may be just trying to tell you he likes your hat.
>>
>>Chuck Norris invented water.
>>
>>Chuck Norris went looking for a bar but couldn't find one. He walked to
>>a
>>vacant lot and sat there. Sure enough within an hour an a half someone
>>constructed a bar around him. He then ordered a shot, drank it, and then
>>burned the place to the ground. Chuck Norris yelled over the roar of the
>>flames, "always leave things the way you found em!"
>>
>>One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost
>>his
>>left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its
>>technical term: Jupiter.
>>
>>Contrary to popular belief, Chuck Norris, not the blue ringed octopus of
>>Eastern Australia, is the most venomous creature on earth. Within 3
>>minutes
>>of being bitten, a human being experiences the following
>>symptoms: fever, blurred vision, beard rash, tightness of the jeans, and
>>the
>>feeling of being repeatedly kicked through a car windshield.
>>
>>Chuck Norris is Luke Skywalker's father.
>>
>>Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word,
>>he
>>simply changes the actual spelling of it.
>>
>>Before science was invented it was once believed that autumn occurred
>>when
>>Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked every tree in existence.
>>
>>Before email was invented Chuck Norris would attach messages to kittens
>>and
>>roundhouse kick them.
>>
>>In the original pilot for Star Trek Next Generation Chuck Norris can be
>>seen
>>powering the USS enterprise warp drive with his roundhouse kicks
>>
>>Chuck Norris was once asked to recommend a club to which he replied 'I
>>am a
>>club' and everyone partied on him... Until he roundhouse kicked them all
>>because someone spilt his beer.


--------------------
Very funny, now tell me the one that doesnt suck.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
james
post Jan 24 2006, 07:13 PM
Post #2



Group Icon

Group: Super Administrators
Posts: 3296
Joined: 2-March 01
From: Surrey, UK
Member No.: 13



Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.


--------------------
"We are number one, all others are number two or lower!" - The Sphinx, Mystery Men

"A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head" - annon

"What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is." - Dan Quayle

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
james
post Jan 29 2006, 02:03 PM
Post #3



Group Icon

Group: Super Administrators
Posts: 3296
Joined: 2-March 01
From: Surrey, UK
Member No.: 13



All these and more at: chucknorrisfacts.com


--------------------
"We are number one, all others are number two or lower!" - The Sphinx, Mystery Men

"A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head" - annon

"What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is." - Dan Quayle

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
womble
post Mar 14 2006, 01:05 PM
Post #4



Group Icon

Group: [Ringer Patrol]
Posts: 774
Joined: 23-November 01
From: Anywhere you want me, sexy!!
Member No.: 58



From the Man himself.


--------------------
Very funny, now tell me the one that doesnt suck.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
jamie
post Mar 16 2006, 06:56 PM
Post #5


Member
Group Icon

Group: [Ringer Patrol]
Posts: 731
Joined: 17-October 01
From: sitting on my arse
Member No.: 3



ever wanted to be chuck norris?


--------------------
We don't torture... we freedom tickle.
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
camsmith
post Aug 3 2006, 02:49 PM
Post #6



Group Icon

Group: [RP PB]
Posts: 653
Joined: 15-September 03
Member No.: 178





--------------------
May you live as long as you want to...
... and want to as long as you live!

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
camsmith
post Oct 24 2006, 08:43 AM
Post #7



Group Icon

Group: [RP PB]
Posts: 653
Joined: 15-September 03
Member No.: 178



Chuck Norris is an anagram of
Crushin' Rock


--------------------
May you live as long as you want to...
... and want to as long as you live!

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
james
post Apr 7 2007, 08:10 AM
Post #8



Group Icon

Group: Super Administrators
Posts: 3296
Joined: 2-March 01
From: Surrey, UK
Member No.: 13



chucknorrisfacts.com has been changed to www.thechucknorrisfacts.com.

Example fact:
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.


--------------------
"We are number one, all others are number two or lower!" - The Sphinx, Mystery Men

"A computer without a Microsoft operating system is like a dog without bricks tied to its head" - annon

"What a terrible thing to have lost one's mind. Or not to have a mind at all. How true that is." - Dan Quayle

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Shagster
post May 14 2007, 04:35 PM
Post #9


Member
Group Icon

Group: Full Members
Posts: 38
Joined: 1-November 01
From: Nowhere at the moment
Member No.: 57



Has anyone wondered why there are all these sites devoted to the awesomeness of Chuck Norris when he had his girly ass beaten by the real hard man of planet earth: Bruce Lee
Mind you, I wouldn't say that to his face of course! wink.gif


--------------------
"If it doesn't kill you, you'll learn from it. If it does kill you, I'll learn from it."

"Give a man a fire and he'll be warm for a day. Light a man on fire and he'll be warm for the rest of his life."
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
Darkwerks
post May 16 2007, 11:32 AM
Post #10



Group Icon

Group: Full Members
Posts: 35
Joined: 7-July 04
Member No.: 203



I think everyone is missing the point:
Chuck Norris is GINGER!!!
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post
camsmith
post Aug 14 2007, 10:16 AM
Post #11



Group Icon

Group: [RP PB]
Posts: 653
Joined: 15-September 03
Member No.: 178



Chuck Norris never plays the board game "Sorry", because he never is.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door!


--------------------
May you live as long as you want to...
... and want to as long as you live!

IPB Image
User is offlineProfile CardPM
Go to the top of the page
+Quote Post

Reply to this topicStart new topic
1 User(s) are reading this topic (1 Guests and 0 Anonymous Users)
0 Members:

 



-   Time is now: 19th February 2025 - 02:11 PM

Content © ringerpatrol.net 2001-2007 -- Design by Designified

www.designified.com