My side hurts Options

[james]

Been reading this guys site - www.thingsmygirlfriendandihavearguedabout.com and now I am in pain - this is proper laugh out loud stuff

[Colin Graham]

a acutally read the whole thing.
although i never met this guy i feel it's safe to say that he's a total ass, his wife is crazy, and they diserve each other.

this one was my favorite:
It's getting worse. I've mentioned this, in passing, before, but it's getting worse. We were watching Hannibal on DVD the other week, and Margret was sitting beside me, looking at the screen, right from the moment I hit 'play'. This, incidentally, is because before we watch any DVD or video we have this ritual.
Mil - 'Are you ready?'
Margret - 'Yes.'
Mil - 'No you're not, you're clearly not. Sit down here.'
Margret - 'I'm ready, I'm ready, I'm just cutting out this magazine article and putting the kids toys away in an order based on the psychological warmth of their respective colours and making a cup of tea and wondering if we should move that mirror six inches to the left, but I'm ready - go ahead, start the film.'
Mil - 'No. I'll start the film when you're sitting here. If I start the film now, you'll sit down in three minutes time and say, "What's happened?" and I'll have to do that thing with my mouth. Not going to happen. You sit here right from the beginning.'
[Margret makes an injured pantomime of dragging herself over to the sofa and sitting down beside me.]
Mil - 'Thank you.'
[I press 'play'. The FBI copyright warning comes up and, knowing full well it won't work, I repeatedly try to fast forward through it for the annoying amount of time - precisely long enough for me to fully hate the FBI and the entire motion picture industry - it takes to fade. A logo swirls around the screen. Darkness. A single, threatening, bass note rumbles low. Swelling in volume as the first image seeps into life.]
Margret - 'I've just remembered, I need to phone Jo.'
Mil - 'Arrrrggghhheeeiiiiiieeeeerrrrgghhhhhhhhgkkkkk-kkk-kk-k!'
Margret - 'I only need to ask if she has a text book - carry on.'
Mil - 'No. Make the phone call. I'll wait.'
[Three hours later. Margret returns; I am still on the sofa, remote control poised in my hand, but now visibly older and covered in a light film of dust.]
Margret - 'OK, done.'
Mil - 'Right.'
[I wind back four or five seconds to have the moody intro again, Margret complains we've already seen this bit and - as it's getting late now - there's no need. I reply it's important for setting the mood, she thinks it's a stupid thing to do, the exchange degenerates into a twenty minute row about foreplay, and then we finally begin to watch the film.]
So, that's what happens, every time, and thus on this occasion as with all others, Margret has been sitting beside me since the very beginning of the film. Which, casting your mind back, you'll recall is Hannibal.
Titles. Silence. A face appears.
Margret - 'Who's that?'

[Gypsy]

I got a little bit of the way down and I have to say the guy sux ass! Wot the fuck is wrong with painting a kitchen in YELLOW! DICK! He is a total whining little shit not that far of my bro.

[Emily]

Erm.... why you picking on the poor guy, yes, granted he has really picked the wrong psycho to marry but if you think about 89% of the world seems to do the same thing and to be honest us females do like to moan and make a fuss about the smallest stupidest things and i will apologize to James as it turns out i also do that stupid thing where i ask whatís going on in a film even if i already know that James hasnít seen it, but its only because i always fall asleep through films and I'm never sure if i have missed any or if i fallen asleep at all. hmmmmm me thinks perhaps i should see someone about this.

[Janette]

Me thinks I should breath when i'm reading your posts.