51 THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW IF IT WEREN'T FOR THE BIG SCREEN
>
> 1. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any
> strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.
> 2. If being chased through town, you can usually take cover in a
> passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.
> 3. All beds have special L-shaped top sheets that reach up to armpit
> level on a woman but only waist level on the man lying beside her.
> 4. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French
> bread
> 5. It's easy for anyone to land a plane, providing there is someone
> in the control tower to talk you down.
> 6. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba
> diving.
> 7. The ventilation system of any building is a perfect hiding place.
> No one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel
> to any part of the building without
> difficulty.
> 8. You're likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make
the
> mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
> 9. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will
> not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
> 10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in
> Paris.
> 11. People on TV never finish their drinks.
> 12. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating
> but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
> 13. The chief of police is always black.
> 14. When paying for a taxi, never look at your wallet as you take out
> a note - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be
> the exact fare.
> 15. If you lose a hand, it will cause the stump of your arm to grow
by
> 15cm.
> 16. Kitchens don't have light switches. When entering a kitchen at
> night, you should open the fridge door and use that light instead.
> 17. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a
> strip club at least once.
> 18. Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family
> every morning, even though the husband and children never have time to
> eat them.
> 19. Cars and trucks that crash will almost always burst into flames.
> 20. Wearing a singlet or stripping to the waist can make a man
> invulnerable to bullets.
> 21. A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of
a
> football stadium.
> 22. If a killer is lurking in your house, it's easy to find him. Just
> relax and run a bath - even if it's the middle of the afternoon.
> 23. Medieval peasants had perfect teeth.
> 24. Although in the 20th century it is possible to fire weapons at an
> object out of visual range, people of the 23rd century will have lost
> this technology.
> 25. All single women have a cat.
> 26. Any person waking from a nightmare will sit bolt upright and
pant.
> 27. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary
> to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few
> moments.
> 28. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them
all
> than 20 men firing at one.
> 29. Creepy music coming from a graveyard should always be closely
> investigated.
> 30. If a phone line is broken, communication can be restored by
> frantically beating the cradle and saying, "Hello?, Hello?"
> 31. Most people keep a scrapbook of newspaper cuttings - especially
if
> any of their family or friends has died in a strange boating accident.
> 32. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight
> involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack
> you one by one by dancing around in a
> threatening manner until you have knocked out their
predecessor.
>
> 33. During a very emotional confrontation, instead of facing the
> person you are speaking to, it is customary to stand behind them and
> talk to their back.
> 34. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your room
> will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.
> 35. Dogs always know who's bad and will naturally bark at them.
> 36. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make
> sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total
opposite.
>
> 37. When they are alone, all foreigners prefer to speak English to
> each other.
> 38. Action heroes never face charges for manslaughter or criminal
> damage despite laying entire cities to waste.
> 39. No matter how badly a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity
> system is never damaged.
> 40. If there is a deranged killer on the loose, this will coincide
> with a thunderstorm that has brought down all the power and phone
> lines in the vicinity.
> 41. You can always find a chainsaw whenever you're likely to need
one.
>
> 42. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their
> arch-enemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley
> systems, deadly gases, lasers and
> man eating sharks that will allow their captives at least 20
> minutes to escape.
> 43. Having a job of any kind will make all fathers forget their son's
> eighth birthday.
> 44. Many musical instruments - especially wind instruments and
> accordions can be played without moving the fingers.
> 45. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large
red
> readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
> 46. It is always possible to park directly outside the building you
> are visiting.
> 47. Guns are like disposable razers - if you run out of bullets, just
> throw the gun away. You can always buy a new one.
> 48. Make-up can safely be worn to bed without smudging.
> 49. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from
> duty.
> 50. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump
> into will know all the steps.
> 51. The number of helicopters in a film is directly proportional to
> its quality.
>